If you want the weirdest and most entertaining laws in Malta, there is no shortage of examples. Maltese law includes some very specific rules on everyday life, public behaviour, safety, and public health, and many of them sound surprisingly unusual when read today. A lot of the funniest provisions feel old-fashioned, but they are also a reminder that laws usually come from practical problems. What sounds random now often made perfect sense at the time.

You Can Be Told to Stop Singing, Shouting, or Blasting a Gramophone

Article 41 of the Code of Police Laws says you cannot keep playing a musical or noisy instrument, singing, or shouting in a street, shop, or public place if you are told to stop by a nearby occupant or by the Police. It also goes further and bans causing nuisance-level noise through a wireless loudspeaker, gramophone, amplifier, or similar instrument. Yes, gramophone is literally in the law.

No Animals Near Sun-Bathers at the Beach

If you needed a reminder that Maltese law can be gloriously specific, Article 225 of the Code of Police Laws says animals cannot be allowed to approach parts of the seashore where people are bathing unless the area is expressly set apart for animals, and it allows the Commissioner of Police to regulate times and places for animals in the sea. So think twice before you bring your adorable puppy to the beach for a nice time, or check out Yellow Pages' guide on beaches that are dog-friendly. 

You Need a License to have a Greasy-Pole in a Maltese Harbour

Any thoughts of setting up a greasy pole in your favourite harbour? Malta has a tradition known as Il-Ġostra, a 300-year old Maltese game where participants need to attempt to run up a long greasy pole. It is normally held during village feasts, such as the one of St Julian's and Msida, but before you set it up, you need to obtain a license to set up this humorous activity, as per Article 226 of the Code of Police Laws. 

No Games at the Cemeteries

The cemetery provisions are some of the most unexpectedly strict. Article 140 of the Code of Police Laws says it is not lawful to play any game or sport in a cemetery. Did we really need to ban games from the cemetery? Who is taking their set of Paniku or Monopoly to Addolorata Cemetery? 

The Law Might Be Serious, But It Can Still Be Funny

Reading these provisions back-to-back, it is easy to laugh at how specific they are. Gramophones, greasy poles, animals near bathers, and games in cemeteries all sound like punchlines. But they also show how Maltese law has always been rooted in everyday life. These rules were not written for entertainment value. They were written to manage noise, protect public health, keep order, and regulate traditions that are still part of local culture.

The funniest part is that most of these laws are still technically in force. They may not come up often, but they remain part of the legal framework that shapes public behaviour across the island. So, the next time someone says Maltese law is boring, just remind them that somewhere in the legislation there is a provision about gramophones and greasy poles. And yes, it is real.