How to prepare yourself for the Game of Thrones season finale
Winter is coming. Not the real Winter of course, but that long, dark tea-time of the soul we all must endure whilst waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones. It's an even playing field now, no smug grins on the faces of those who have read ahead because there is nothing to read. Well, nothing apart from the occasional interview where George R. R. Martin reveals more about how much longer it's going to take for him to publish book 6.
But, like the certainty of a Lannister paying their debts, the end of season 6 must come, in all its nude, gory, complicated and fiery glory. How will you embrace the finale? Will you weep at the deaths of your favourite characters? Will you whoop at the ever-increasing airtime given to Danaerys' dragons? Will you not know where to look while watching another incestuous embrace in the company of your parents?
Whatever your outlook on the approaching precipice, we want you to be prepared. Here's how:
Feast like a Tyrell
No self-respecting episode of Game of Thrones is complete without a belt-busting feast of clinical-obesity proportions. Sitting down with friends and offering a meagre spread of bigilla and limp carrot batons should have you thrown to Ramsay's hounds. Get your taste buds tingling with our endless list of takeaway options. Unfortunately, we can't promise delivery by a dashing Ser or a buxom wench.
Write like a Maester
Why not make it an official event? The finale is serious stuff and while it might be a bit tricky to get a grotty Maltese pigeon to deliver your invitation, Maltapost will do a pretty good job of it. Kit yourself out with a fancy fountain pen and some textured paper and get sending those invitations out.
These are luckily a lot easier to come by than in Westeros. Find your nearest stationer here.
Drink like the Imp
A song of Ice and Fire has permeated national consciousness to a level akin that of the Eurovision. With the Eurovision, you drink to deafen the cacophony of the awful Eurotrash on offer, with Game of Thrones you drink to belch like the Hound and babble like Tyrion. Down shots every time one of these happens:
- A sword is drawn
- Tyrion drinks
- Someone gets naked
- Arya looks worried
- Danaerys tells everyone who she is
- Someone says 'Winter is Coming'
- Jon Snow is called a bastard
Down your drink if someone gets beheaded. Make sure your bar's well stocked. Have a look at these drinks stores to find your nearest supplier.
Bounce back like Jon Snow
Tuesday morning's going to tough. It might seem hard to go on, to face the impending nine months still to come, but there is a flame at the end of that tunnel. Or is it an icicle? Hmmm. Whatever you do, you mustn't lose hope. So keep yourself occupied until the joyous time comes again to sit down and listen to those thrilling opening credits next April. There's so much to do! Here are a few ideas.
Until then fellow viewer, be safe. After all, if you play the Game of Thrones, you win or you die.